Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize