I could have mohawked her pubes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
