Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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