his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
