I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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