Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
