Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
