The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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