Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Text me some of your sweat
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
