He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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