I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
