think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
