I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize