How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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