I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
