I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
