That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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