i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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