I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
