i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
