You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
