so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
