So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
