if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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