Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
