You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
