Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
