if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Someone shit on the floor
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
