drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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