God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
