don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
