pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
