I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize