he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
