Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
