New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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