no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
