i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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