I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
