apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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