he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
