just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
