im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
