When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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