I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Text me some of your sweat
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize