Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't turn off my feet"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
