I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
