i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
40s are totally the cure
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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