To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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