I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
