i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
