Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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