dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
