My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
