Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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