The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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