You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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