my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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