smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize