i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
