I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
