what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
