id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
