these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
