you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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