Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
