Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
