No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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