just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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