his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
