I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
