Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
