There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
