their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
