besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
