don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
