Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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