im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
