I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
