they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
