i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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