I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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