'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
