Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize