The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
