Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We got so high we made milksteak
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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