the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
