Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
