I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
