nut hugger
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
