I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You ate ashes out of my bong
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
