listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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