I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
