Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
