he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize