It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They took my balls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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