so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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