i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can I color on your dick again?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
