It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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