so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I party with great urgency now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
