Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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