hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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